Still working on being happy. I was doing pretty well until I got sick a couple weeks ago, which stopped me from working out and de-stressing. Now I feel sluggish and frumpy.
I had this flu from hell, which developed into some nasty bronchitis, and then laryngitis that lasted almost an entire week. 5 days of not having a voice is so damn frustrating!
Luckily I am getting a little better with these new medicines, but they really make it hard to sleep so here I am.
Here I am.
Still.
I’ve been fighting these negative thoughts, but I’m struggling. I keep wondering who would even care if I were gone.
Not that I was ever Miss Popular, but now I don’t feel like I have friends that really want me to be in their lives.
People who I thought liked me seem to not anymore, and I guess, why should they?
I don’t expect to be the center of anyone’s universe, but when I reach out, it does hurt to be blatantly ignored. So I feel pretty done reaching out.
What I really wish I could do is get away from Utah for a while. It's kind of the worst here with the altitude, poor air quality, and awful winters.
People aren’t terribly nice around here either, and it makes me feel like I’m losing my mind a lot of times.
Don’t get me wrong, there are still sweet people that I genuinely feel loved by. But very few, and they're very busy people.
So if I could even get away, where would I want to go?
I don’t know.
I don’t really feel like I really belong anywhere, come to think of it.
I just feel invisible.
P.S. Taylor is still treating me wonderfully. He is so much better than I deserve and definitely doesn’t agree with these negative thoughts. That being said, it makes him really sad when I bring up these things, and I don’t want to make him sad or feel like he isn’t doing enough. Because he’s that kind of person. So selfless and always taking on guilt he shouldn’t. So that’s why I’m throwing out these garbage thoughts on my garbage blog that nobody even reads. Somehow I feel like I’m getting it off my chest, even if nobody is really listening.
Here I am.
Still.
I’ve been fighting these negative thoughts, but I’m struggling. I keep wondering who would even care if I were gone.
Not that I was ever Miss Popular, but now I don’t feel like I have friends that really want me to be in their lives.
People who I thought liked me seem to not anymore, and I guess, why should they?
I don’t expect to be the center of anyone’s universe, but when I reach out, it does hurt to be blatantly ignored. So I feel pretty done reaching out.
What I really wish I could do is get away from Utah for a while. It's kind of the worst here with the altitude, poor air quality, and awful winters.
People aren’t terribly nice around here either, and it makes me feel like I’m losing my mind a lot of times.
Don’t get me wrong, there are still sweet people that I genuinely feel loved by. But very few, and they're very busy people.
So if I could even get away, where would I want to go?
I don’t know.
I don’t really feel like I really belong anywhere, come to think of it.
I just feel invisible.
P.S. Taylor is still treating me wonderfully. He is so much better than I deserve and definitely doesn’t agree with these negative thoughts. That being said, it makes him really sad when I bring up these things, and I don’t want to make him sad or feel like he isn’t doing enough. Because he’s that kind of person. So selfless and always taking on guilt he shouldn’t. So that’s why I’m throwing out these garbage thoughts on my garbage blog that nobody even reads. Somehow I feel like I’m getting it off my chest, even if nobody is really listening.
