God Gave Me

1. Taylor

2. My Parents & Siblings & Nieces & Nephews

3. Lawless, the best Walking Buddy Ever

4. Music

5. My Body

6. My Spa

7. A Home in a Beautiful Place

8. Eyesight

9. Hearing

10. Forgiveness

Feeling Pretty Blah.

It’s well into the afternoon and I still haven’t set a foot outside of my bed.

There are a whole bunch of missed calls and e-mails for work, but I don’t even know where to begin tackling them today.

I was trying so hard to be happier, but the moment I have to support somebody else who is feeling down, I realize I’m not strong enough.  I can’t take the weight and that makes me feel pretty useless.

Direction, Not Perfection

I’ve obviously not been my happiest self these days and I’ve clearly let negative experiences turn me into a cold person.

Even though I think my feelings are valid and it can help to acknowledge them, I’m also sick of not living my life as fully as I could.  I mean, I’m already 1/3 of the way through my life, and what have I even done with it besides marrying my soulmate?

I need to move forward now.

And in order to do that, I’ll have to accept that I may never be completely free of this void that follows me.  I may never be able to experience perfect happiness because of it and that really sucks.  But I also can’t use that as an excuse anymore.

It would be better to start on the path to being partially happy, than it would be to continue sitting in misery while I wait for happiness to find me.

Another thing I’ll have to accept is that 2020 hates everybody, and I’m certainly no exception to that rule.  So when my plans inevitably get ruined I need to get back up as fast as I can and look for another way.

Resilience is key here.

All of that is definitely easier said than done and I’m not exactly sure where to start on my path to being a happier me.  But practicing gratitude seems like it could be a good first step in the right direction.

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